RIDE Cycling for me a few years ago was an absolute necessity. In the late seventies and early eighties, there were no battery-powered scooters or wheelchairs, everything was manual and you had to do it yourself. I had no internet or a mobile phone. I was living in the prehistoric stone age, in terms of Parkinson's awareness and I had to figure it out myself. In fact, in many ways, it was the only way I could transport myself because I spent most of my time falling on the floor. It was never suggested to me or even considered by any neurologist or physiotherapist and that was simply because they didn't believe that I was capable. But it's not always easy to go against professional advice because they were worried that I might damage or hurt myself. I think I lost confidence in my own ability to walk which sounds ridiculous, but if you are convinced you have a problem, then you have a problem. And so I was put on Parkinson's medication to help with that and in some ways it did, but it also caused me other issues as well. Mainly psychological ones. If you are told enough times that you have a certain neurological condition then you are going to believe it even though at the back of your mind something doesn't feel quite right. But who are we to question neurological reasoning? Everything you are being told makes sense, and you show all the classic symptoms but something doesn't feel quite right and you don't do anything about it because it's easier to go along with it. It's easier to keep taking the drugs and believing they will help but do they? After forty or more years of thinking that I have been suffering from a serious neurological condition, I am beginning to have my doubts. There is no denying that in a lot of ways I show all the classic signs of having Parkinson's but there are certain aspects that contradict that theory. How is it that I lose my balance when I am walking but I am perfectly able to balance and ride a bike? I have absolutely no problem at all with that but it doesn't make any sense. Riding a bike is a confidence thing and so is walking but a few years ago a had no confidence in my ability to be able to walk so I stopped. But, the problem is if you stop doing something on a regular basis then those neural pathways forget and the brain starts to become lazy and I am starting to think that it might have happened to me. I convinced myself that I had problems with walking and balance and I stopped doing what came naturally. You convince yourself that you can't walk and it becomes psychosomatic. And then everything changed because I decided that I had to do something about this. So I started talking to my legs and telling them what to do. This may sound absolutely crazy but that's what I did. And the more you repeat something the more it comes naturally to you again. The neural pathways start to remember and repair themselves and find other routes to carry out the same task. A few years ago I attended some classes arranged by the Peto Institute from Hungary in Birmingham in the UK and they followed exactly the same theory. You have to reeducate your brain to start doing things again because repetition is the key. And look at me now I am walking again.

ME.MYSELF. I. I have been roaming this planet for nearly sixty-five years searching for something that I could never find when in fact it has been there all the time. And that's because I was looking in the wrong direction and if only I had been able to open my eyes I would have been able to see it. And that's because I didn't know or understand what I was looking for. But now I understand and can appreciate it for what it is. And it's Me. I have found myself. And I am grateful for me. Myself. I. I suddenly realize how important I am to myself and to others. And I have finally come to understand my true worth and value to myself and how important I am to other people. And that's because we undervalue our own lives and we don't realize how important we are to ourselves but we should because if we don't learn to look after ourselves and love ourselves then how can we share it with other people. Robert James Keene July 2023

THE WAY FORWARD

A WAY FORWARD Sometimes I think we worry too much about the things that aren't worth worrying about which is why I don't join any Parkinson's groups on Facebook now or post any of my writing simply because they are full of misinformation negativity and would make me feel worse, not better. And so I keep my writing now for the people who want to listen, but more importantly want to learn something from my experience of Parkinsonism because it's not all bad as some people on Facebook would have you believe. Every little black cloud has a silver lining so you should never think that living with Parkinson's is all bad because it's not. The fact of the matter is that it can be whatever you want it to be and if you want it to take over your life and think about it all the time then go ahead but my life has never been like that and never will be. My life is more than Parkinson's will ever be. We paint this terrible picture that to have to live with Parkinson's is so bad that their life has more or less come to an end and they cannot see a way forward. Well, why is that? The reason is that you are not thinking with your head, you are thinking with your emotions. So, give yourself time to consider what you have to do and how you are going to respond but more importantly what you will need to change in your lifestyle in order to learn to live with it. Because it is possible as I have proved. Living with Parkinson's is not the end, it's the start of a new beginning, so get used to the idea and find a way forward, and don't look back. Be proactive and make it happen because you are your own universe. Robert James Keene July 2023

THE STORY SO FAR As each day passes by now it gets a little bit harder because Parkinson's never stands still and it keeps taking a little bit more out of me but after nearly forty-eight years of showing signs of Parkinsonism, nothing surprises me. It's a very slow process and you hardly know it's happening until something changes and another symptom comes along and then it's a case of solving another puzzle and making the necessary mental adjustment. But I know exactly what is happening to me and understand the endgame, but who knows when that might be? And, until that day comes I will enjoy each day and not think any further than I have to. My universe is always here for me. Robert James Keene 2023

THE UNIVERSE IS ME

I was born in the year nineteen fifty-eight which means that I have lived on planet Earth for nearly sixty-five years, which is a lifetime for an astral time traveler. And when my earth body dies I will pass over and move onto a different time a different place. And then my spirit will begin again. That is my true belief. We all have a spiritual soul within us which lives in the shell of the living body and when we pass away and the physical body dies the spirit of the body lives on in time and space to find another host and we live our lives as one. The spirit can never die and lives on for all eternity. The end is only the beginning because the spirit of the soul is neverending and the true path to righteousness. That is what I believe. The spirit has no dominion and will live again in whatever form of religion you have faith in. THE END IS THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER TIME AND SPACE. Robert James Keene July 2023