THE BIG WHEEL

THE BIG WHEEL Clarity is everything because if you can see clearly where you are going then you know where you will eventually end up and that's called being mortal. But mortality is nothing to fear because fear is to feel imperfect, to feel human, to feel emotion to know your weakness. When I look at myself each morning in the mirror I can see an imperfect human being, a person who has reached the age of sixty-five in relatively good health when you consider that I have lived with the symptoms of Parkinson's disease for most of my natural born life. I have been very lucky because I have carried the condition with me had a family and done most of the things that an able-bodied person would be able to do. You have to try to live a normal life while you are able to and live it to the full and not hesitate because you never know how it will affect your life and how quickly it will take away the things that you are able to do. And there is nobody more aware of that than me. But for some incredible reason, I am still here when really my illness should have shortened my life. My Parkinsonism began when I was thirteen but I didn't really know what it was until I was nineteen and then I was absolutely sure but I didn't make it official until I was twenty-nine when my symptoms started to worsen, and now I am sixty-five and have led a relatively full life. And that's because I tried not to think about it too much and I have lived my life to the best of my ability and that's all anybody can do. I've carried it with me and tried to put it to one side. But nobody on the planet can totally shut it out because it's degenerative and you know that at the back of your mind. But if you look after yourself as best you can and you keep yourself in relatively good condition you can beat it as I have and lead a longer life than might be expected. And now every day I live from this point onwards I will enjoy as much as I did the one before, because I know that I will find something in them that will make life worth living, worth carrying on. And that's because I have clarity and understand what is happening to me. It's a life cycle, a wheel that we are all on and it keeps turning and never stops until it's meant to stop and you have to accept it. But, in the meantime enjoy life and live it to the full have no regrets, and accept the process that we all live through because it's natural and was meant to be. The worst thing that anybody diagnosed with Parkinson's or any serious health condition for that matter is to live their life and feel sorry for themselves because that will give them nothing. And you will look at the world from prison cell bars of your own making because it will have been self-inflicted. And that would be a sad end to anybody's life and a complete waste of time. I could never be like that because I believe you should try however difficult it might become. You have to live your life with enthusiasm or else you end up living a miserable life, and feeling sorry for yourself and that would achieve absolutely nothing and I wouldn't want to wish that on anybody. If I thought that every day was going to be a bad day before I got out of bed each morning I just wouldn't bother and I would stay there. We all have bad days which we all have from time to time but don't blame the world for not making the effort. In reality, whatever happens in your life is your responsibility so be accountable for your actions and don't blame others. Life is what you make of it because the big wheel will keep turning. Robert James Keene 2023